BUENA VISTA by Roger Miller. From Fifth Column Games, 2646 Los Nogales, Rancho Cordova CA 95670. $22

To let you know where I'm coming from here, you should be aware that I've been working, in somewhat desultory fashion, on a Buena Vista game for about four years. Not that it's such a difficult project - it's really a rather interesting battle between two totally dissimilar forces, one representing the past, the other the future. It's just that I've never gotten up enough energy to finish it … or, until recently, a publisher to publish it. Then along comes Keith P. (yeah, I know …but it was "bird-in-the-hand" time), and he liked the idea. So, whenever I get around to finishing the proposed Gringo game (which also includes Monterey), I'll have finally got rid of this Mexican albatross. In the meantime, we've got this similarly avian dead weight around our necks to deal with.

I do not like this game. I am not quite sure what Mr Miller is trying to show with his design, but it isn't anything cohesive, that's for sure. BV is easily the most overwrought, over laden, confusingly written, potpourri of ill-advised thoughts and rules since John Prados was last let loose. You do more work to less effect in this game than with anything I've seen in years. Playing this has to be the board game version of Sysiphus, at least.

Visually, it's fine. The full map (90 yards per) is Simonitch, the counters (100) are SPI/Zucker-style, and the rules book is clear. BV is ziplocked, which keeps costs - and consumer interest - down. The turns are 20 minutes, each of which is divided into five minute impulses. You'd think with that you'd be dealing with platoons, but no, you've got 19 Mexican infantry and cavalry brigades against 11 US infantry and cavalry regiments, six of which have a detachable rifle company counter, and the excellent North American artillery. The Mexicans have division-level commanders, the gringos either Zach Taylor or John Wool (who, by the way, has a huge monument to his honor right in front of the NY Toy & Game Fair HQ!!). Not too many counters to fill that big map, and not enough informational chrome to fill the interest gaps created by the design. Except for their "names", every Mexican infantry brigade is exactly the same, 32 SP's, 800 tired, quasi-Napoleonic Mexicanos. I wonder how much intensive research it took to arrive at that design decision. (Historically, these brigades, much depleted by the rapid march north, appear to have varied between 700 and 1500 men each.)

Little of this system even approaches "elegant", the design term used to describe a mechanic that represents something applied effortlessly and accurately. This game is about as "elegant" as Roseanne Barr. I think what we have here is an attempt to use miniatures-style rules for what should have been a fairly simple board game. Since the weakest part of the miniatures hobby has always been its rules, this line of thought is something less than felicitous. Rules are presented as a series of poorly-connected maxims, almost as if they were jotted down as Miller thought of them, without any nod to continuity, organization or even common sense. A few random selections - which was apparently the design method chosen - will suffice:

•• The illustration for a "rifle-armed" unit shows the Mexican 5th brigade from Pacheco's division. My cerebrum did a jig on that one, as the Mexicans were anything but rifle-armed. That's OK, because the "5th Pac" counter is NOT rifle-armed in the game.

•• Check this rule out: "Any movement points spent towards entering a hex are saved from one movement phase to the next, and accumulated until the cost of entering the hex is met." Aside from the bookkeeping problems this entails, this means that units are actually suspended between hexes from phase to phase!!

•• There is a 48 SP Mexican cavalry brigade. The rules state that a maximum of 6 cavalry SP's can be In Line in any one hex. True, you get Line Extenders - gaming's answer to Hamburger Helper - but you can only use two of these. That means you have 30 SP's extra to deal with, and no rule, explanation or even glimmer of intelligence to help you.

•• According to 11.23, Mexican infantry can shock attack Americans only if they're in trenches or buildings. Like the guy in the Honda ad says, "…you just can't make this stuff up!" So, you look at the map and see that there are 4 building hexes - at the far, north end of the map, where there are no Mexicans - representing Buena Vista, a hacienda that now resembles Vera Cruz in size; and 4 trench hexes, two of which are along the top of a ridge, which is a mighty interesting place to dig a trench. I can see John Wool running towards La Angostura (the narrow defile where the trenches were) yelling, "Out of those trenches, men, into the open. The Mexicans are Coming. Protect Yourself!!"

•• Cavalry is limited to one charge a day. So is my wife. Ta dum.

•• Mexican artillery cannot unlimber if there is an American unit (visible) within 1/2 a mile of them. Since almost half the Mexican gun wielders are Americans (Irishmen of the San Patricio Battalion) - despite what the BV countermix would have you believe - and highly motivated Patty's at that, what in tarnation does this rule simulate??

•• Try this one. "A unit in square formation has a tactical movement allowance of four. A unit in square formation may move one hex at the cost of its entire movement allowance." Elegance has just expired, to be replaced by oxymoronic.

Layered over all of this confusion is an Orders Writing system in which you have to remember - or write down - how many impulses it takes for the Order to get from Point A to Captain Z. And that's just for starters. There's a whole slew of rules for something called Line of March which I never fully understood, and be aware we're dealing with "written" orders here. Clarity is obviously not a consideration here.

The combat systems have a germ of creative interest - they're actually halfway to clever - but they are so laden with adjustments, dierolls, check-this and check-that that they're almost worse than getting shot at for real. I especially like using 1/2 rounds of ammunition! Believe me, the supplied Roster Sheets are truly needed. After two turns they're covered with notes, arrows and more marginalia than the Talmud. And two turns is about as far as you'll get before firing a bullet into your gaming head. 20 combat units, and it takes over an hour to complete one turn. And a tedious, page-rifling, what-the-hell-does-this-mean hour at that. All of this may count for little when you're pushing those neat-looking figures around a table, but for board-gaming, this is a definitive nadir.

Amazingly, for all the unnecessary rules-crunching that Miller feels he needs to "accurately" simulate this era of warfare, a simulation at which he is less than partially successful, he completely misses the piñada by totally fudging the Mexican OoB. True, this is not an easy OoB to pin down. But information IS available; you can do some footwork and come up with a respectable stab, especially since the Mexican units have such colorful names (such as Aguascalientos Activos, Gardacosta de Tampico, Jalisco Lancers, et al.) Simply lumping everyone into all-purpose brigades, each with the exact same strength, is to reveal an absolute dearth of comprehension as to why people play these games.

Buena Vista is far too interesting a battle to deserve the back hand of fate it receives here. It's a marvelous comparison between the strength of sheer numbers and the virtues of speed and independence. Miller's Buena Vista has little insight into the military minds of either combatant, here. The battle may have been what they call a Mexican Stand-Off, but this game is really a Chinese Fire Drill.

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